Issue No. 59 - $1.91
Saturday, September 11, 2010
"It is easy to say how we love new friends, and what we think of them, but words can never trace out all the fibers that knit us to the old."
How to Have Lots of Good Friends
It's been said that if you want friends to help you in the bad times, you have to help them in the good times.
That's not true. A truer statement is that friends come in two varieties: those who help you and those who don't.
To some people, the helpers are the better friends. Not to me. I appreciate both equally.
Some folks take great pleasure in helping others. They bring soup to the sick, cross the street to offer directions to a stranger, and show up at funerals. They offer help whether you ask for it or not. They enjoy being helpful. That is who they are.
I have friends like this with whom I spend little time. We share few interests. We travel in different social circles. But I know that if anything bad happens to me or anyone in my family, they will be there.
Others aren't there when you might need them. They are off having fun somewhere else, bringing happiness where happiness is. That is their nature. And I'm fine with that. They are the ones who show up at my office hoping to distract me. To go out for a drink or steal a game of golf.
I value my Good Time Charlie friends because I know that whenever they walk into my office they will make me smile. I don't need them to call me when I'm sick or show up at my house when I'm moving furniture. What they give me is what they are capable of giving me, and that is quite enough.
And I have all sorts of friends besides the Florence Nightingales and Good Time Charlies. I have "work" friends and Jiu Jitsu mates and crossword-puzzle companions and writer buddies.
I cherish them all.
But there is one kind of friend I don't much like. And that is the kind that is always trying to make me into a "better" friend.
You know what I'm talking about. People who want you to be closer to them than you want to be.
They are the ones who get upset if you don't call them on their birthdays. Or if you don't give them as much attention as they feel they deserve.
From what I can see, these people are needy not just in friendship but in every aspect of their lives. They are needy with their lovers. They are needy with their families. They are even needy with their children.
Need is anathema to friendship. Friendship is valuable only when it is freely given and received.
There is a great book on this subject that you might have heard of. It was written by M. Scott Peck, M.D., a modern-day Christian philosopher. The book is A Road Less Traveled.
It's not, as many people think, about marching to the beat of a different drummer. It's about romantic love -- why it is a selfish and not a Christian thing. It's about what happens to the soul of a person when he loves his fellow man selfishly. Romantic love, Peck says, is an improper form of the kind of love that should be given only to God. He is right.
I read an article recently by someone who argued that friendships should be "equal." What he meant by that was that a good friendship is one in which each friend gives the other friend the same amount and kind of attention that he wants for himself.
He said you should think about each friendship in terms of an "emotional bank account." And you should ask yourself, "How many deposits have I made in my EBA with that person?"
This is a bastardization of the Golden Rule. It is another form of neediness. And it is not just immature and dumb, it is dangerous and destructive. It is the primary reason many people can't sustain good relationships. They are always worrying about whether they are getting as much as they are giving.
If you exhibit this kind of behavior in your relationships -- business or personal -- you will have few that are long lasting.
To me, a good friendship is one that has value to both people in the relationship. The value does not need to be the same and it needn't be equal. It just needs to be strong enough to satisfy both parties.
If you haven't caught my drift, the point I'm making is that good friendships are not balancing acts. You can't be rich in friendship if you are always trying to equalize the relationships or if you besiege your friends with demands they do not want to meet.
I have no interest in getting anything from my friends other than that which I am happy to give them. And I don't want to give them anything I don't feel happy to give.
Furthermore, I don't expect them to give first. When I meet someone who has qualities and capabilities that I admire, I'm happy to take the first step. If they reciprocate, that tells me this is the kind of friend I want to have. If they don't -- well, I haven't lost much.
This approach applies to business relationships as well.
In fact, if I had to choose one thing that was the most effective strategy I've ever used to succeed in business, it is this.
I will give you two quick examples:
Last week, I had lunch with a former protégé of mine. I had given him some advice that helped him get his business started, and we've occasionally gotten together to talk about the direction the business should take. I told him that he was doing a great job, and that I thought he could keep growing the business on his own. But he said he wanted me to continue helping him -- and he wanted to formalize the relationship and hire me as a consultant. With that, he pulled out his checkbook and wrote me a check for $60,000 -- "For your first retainer fee," he said.
This morning, in my inbox, there was a handwritten note from a young man who was also a protégé of mine. We got his business up and running years ago, and I haven't actively helped him in maybe three years. The note was very kind. He thanked me for helping him develop a million-dollar-a-year income. He enclosed a check for $40,000 as a "token" of his appreciation.
These are the kind of business relationships you can have -- rewarding on many levels -- if you apply the give-first and don't-equalize philosophy.
Business doesn't have to be a cutthroat affair. It doesn't have to be the kill-or-be-killed environment that you see so often in the movies. It can be that. But if you take Dr. Peck's unselfish "road less traveled," you will be able to enjoy a lifetime of wealth and personally enriching relationships... without fear of bad endings.
How Often Should You Contact Your Customers?
Most businesses adhere to regular marketing schedules. And in the old days, that made sense. If you were selling perfumes, you would buy ads in women's magazines on a monthly basis. If you were selling real estate, you would buy ads in the Saturday paper.
But now that the world of business is so largely electronic, the opportunities are much greater. You have the capacity to contact prospects and customers every day if you want to. I have some clients who advertise twice a day.
But should you?
That's the question that Drayton Bird -- a man who's forgotten more about marketing than most businesspeople will ever know (and he hasn't forgotten much, as near as I can tell) -- answers very wisely in a little video we ran last week. If you missed it -- or if you saw it and did not act on it -- take a look at it now.
A Big Fat Lie
I've just re-read an article that remains as pertinent today as it was when first published eight years ago. Released by the New York Times, the writer had the guts to ask, "What if it's all been a big fat lie?" He was referring to the ongoing myth that says low-fat diets are the best path to weight loss.
He asks... if we've been following a low-fat diet since the late 70s, why are we getting heavier? And why are weight-related problems like diabetes and heart disease skyrocketing?
He questions whether low-carb plans might be the best option for better health and weight control. Throughout the 90's, such diets were dismissed as quack therapy. There were just a few visionaries like Dr. Robert Atkins speaking out about it. During that time a small amount of scientific studies began to crop up which supported this thinking. And those studies showed that carbs were the real cause of the obesity epidemic.
I was fortunate enough to work with Dr. Atkins several times and found him to be dedicated and serious about his mission. Since his death, there's been an onslaught of studies showing that low-fat diets don't help us lose weight... and can do serious harm to our health.
That's partly because we tossed aside the natural foods we were supposed to be eating... in favor of chemically-created by-products. Hydrogenated and trans fats replaced all-natural saturated fats. And all of them are packed with chemicals that our bodies were never designed to handle. Worse, if you go by the USDA Food Pyramid, you'd cut out precious protein and fat and replace it with carbs.
And that's a real killer when it comes to weight loss and health. Why? Because the sugar and starch in carbs spike your blood sugar and trigger the release of insulin. And insulin produces and stores body fat.
A low-carb diet, on the other hand, makes sure you get the healthy fats your body needs. I'm talking about omega-3s... which are loaded with wide-ranging health benefits. You also get protein which fuels your muscles. It also repairs tissue and strengthens bones. And best of all, it's loaded with 21 amino acids which are vital to good health.
The health research team over at ETR and IDE's sister site, Natural Health Dossier (NHD), put out a lengthy report on the "big fat lie" recently. The report investigates the roles that protein, fat, and carbs play in your health... and how they impact your biology. Knowing how to balance those macronutrients - and understanding how your body responds to them - is the key to losing weight and improving your overall health and fitness.
Social Security That's Actually Worth It
You should have another email from Early to Rise in your inbox today. And I think you should check it out. It's a video presentation from Stansberry Research about a group of loopholes in the Social Security system, some of which could have you pocketing thousands.
[Ed. Note: Michael Masterson welcomes your questions and comments. Send him a message at AskMichael@ETRFeedback.com.]
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